When you are part of the global tribe, when you are familiar
and at home in more than one culture, people ask a lot of questions: So what is
this like for you? ….What do you miss most?.... How are the kids doing?....Is
it weird to be back?.... there are never short answers. And I can’t help but
constantly update this running pro and con table in my head, hunting for the
never-to-be-found answer to the question: what is the better side of the fence?
We have been in Berlin for one year this month. June 11,
2013 was the day we left Silver City, NM.
Since I don’t believe in bearing my soul on the Internet, the rougher
personal and emotional aspects of our move won’t be discussed here. This blog
is about culture, politics, society, and economics, and how those relate to our
lives, of course, personally. I will try a snapshot of what we learned this year.
It is weird to be
back. Until now, I had this rule in my life: Never go back to a place you have
already been. I am not sure why, but it just wasn’t something I did. I always
moved forward. Just breaking that rule in itself is weird and new. Back to GO, the place of origin.
What helped was that Berlin is probably one of the places in
the world that has changed the most radically over the last 20 years. If not
the most changed place of all – in terms of the built environment and the
culture, mostly. This is of course even more true if one is from East-Berlin.
“Ossis” also changed political and economic systems. “Wessis” just had the fact
changed that there was a wall around the place and that we were a small,
provincial, over-subsidized pool of standing water with a high opinion of our
subculture status, not really part of West-Germany, and certainly not part of
the surrounding geography. Now Berlin is a full-blown European and global
metropolis with most of the advantages, and a growing set of disadvantages,
mainly rising cost of housing. But it is still cheaper to live here than in any
other city in Germany, and way cheaper
than in London or Paris.
So it wasn’t really like going back. It was going to a new
place, with a lot of familiar cultural stuff, and the old West-Berlin
neighborhoods looking largely the same.
There were a lot of unknowns when we first got here. Would
the kids be able to manage school? Would I find a job in this tight job market?
What’s the nonprofit sector like here? Would we survive a Berlin winter? Would my friends remember me?
Most of these questions have been partially answered after
one year. The winter wasn’t so harsh,
some friends turned out to be friends and others have moved on. Engaging in the joy and labor of gently
reconnecting with some of them, with their new 20-years later selves. The
nonprofit sector has a slightly different role here and sits in a different
environment. The German nonprofits themselves feel like very familiar territory. And I have
found a job, and it has brought me the level-up in professionalism and
challenge that I had wished for, for many years.
One thing I have learned: If I make assumptions about my
children, they are probably going to be wrong.
All three have proven that this year, in different ways. From a
parenting perspective, this has probably been the hardest year of my life, the
most challenging and puzzling, frustrating year, taking me to an unknown edge I
didn’t know existed: the point of not knowing how to handle a situation or
behavior. And at the same time, my children have made it the most rewarding and
reassuring year: I have seen my older
kids grow more into themselves, take the challenge of the new environment, deal
with their loss and grief caused by moving. All of them have widened their
horizon, their perspective, their relationships and have learned a lot – mostly
not in school. None of them have done what and how I expected them to do 12 months
ago.
What do I miss most? Of course my husband, and my oldest
daughter. My husband.... lover, partner, co-parent. Then the people of Silver City, and the few close friends I had. Our spring break trip to Mexico. Mexican food, sometimes. The Gila River. Our
beautiful house. The Tour of the Gila.
What do I appreciate most here? My family (parents, sister, cousin) close by and
spending time with them on a regular basis. My family. And then, my family. A few good friends. Being able to
go to a movie and concerts, theater. The beauty of Berlin, its parks and lakes
and its surroundings, much of which we have yet to explore. Being able to drive
to Italy in a day. Living in a buzzling, global, diverse city with interesting
politics and always something new going on. My kids being part of an
international community at their school. The wild life in our backyard, and its giant old trees swaying in the wind at night. How
cheap everything is. That this is now
part of Europe, which is a whole new perspective. My neighbor, who is nice and
weird and feeds our cats when we are gone. And a socio-economic system that is
still based on solidarity, even though it’s being whittled away, but the idea
is still that you should be able to live your life not being in constant terror
about paying for healthcare, child care, education, transportation, and that it
is ok to pay taxes for this.
So for now, from this perspective of politics, culture,
education, economics….this is the better side of the fence for us – but only if
our family becomes complete again.
